It’s a familiar routine to us all that I drive them the distance to school in the morning …and it’s a familiar feeling to me that as I watch them walk towards school my heart expands and overflows with such love and pride to see the confidence and happiness of belonging in their step. I treasure these early morning moments – the secret peeks where you can adore your fill without recriminations of embarrassment from your teens. As I watch my sons walk so steadily these days, it is not far from my mind that we have journeyed an incredible way to reach this point together, and that their functionality in school and with every facet of their lives truly has been an unfoldment process which began the day they were born.
What also comes to mind is how much I owe my sons for being the mirror for me that I was not willing to see. The raw courage and heart of every single child on Earth cannot be put into words. It is easy to see the courage of those who are born in countries to undernourishment and so very easy to see this in those who are born to physical abuse. But how about those who are diagnosed with ADHD, Hyperactivity or LD and who may very well spend their entire school lives in some state of agonizing frustration? How about the many more who are borderline ? There has been an ever increasing percentage of children diagnosed each year with ADHD , Hyperactivity, ADD, and LD to name only a few. The labeling seems to have far outpaced the methods and understanding for helping our children learn constructive methods to celebrate who they are. For myself , as a holistic practitioner, this is not at all surprising since the very best tools for this may well come from the realm that is known as subtle energy. Not only that, but as I had learned from my sons, the only true way to help our children is to fully recognize the mirror of us they are very likely holding up. In other words, if your child is borderline hyperactive, or has ADHD, then you must understand that this means *you* have hyperactivity or ADD related sensitivity as well. This is perhaps the very reason why the latest research indicates that the strongest variable for ADD incidence comes from genetic inheritance and not from too much sugar, salt or any other environmental factors. Sensitive children come from sensitive parents and sensitive ancestry. It is a gift that all too often ends up being seen as a curse. As a society we need to understand and nurture the truest meaning of being “sensitive” . Being exquisitely able in sensory is the birthright of every human being on Earth. It is far above simply gut instinct or intuition. When we have children, we are given a perspective of this sensitivity from an exciting new vantage point – hopefully one we can understand this time around as we never did when we were children ourselves. As with many wondrous facets of life though, this can start off looking like a major challenge.
The birth of my first son was a wondrous happening! Very quickly, however, the general thrill wore off entirely as I saw my life take a 360 degree turn from what it had been as a full time marketing analyst. Oh sure, I know….new parents always have some major adjustments to make but ours seemed rather extreme. It really was only when I had joined a Mom’s group and could see how other children were reacting and playing that I began to realize that my son was not like many other children. While others would all be playing contentedly with the toys in a group, my son would be crawling to the far reaches of the house, pulling up floor vents. He was always in need of stimulation, and couldn’t shift at all successfully from one activity to another. He needed very little sleep and fought being in his crib until 18 months when he could get out of it successfully. About the only place we ever had peace with him was in his car seat. One glorious day I ran across a book called “The Difficult Child” by Dr. Stanley Turecki. The focus of this wonderful book is about children who are ultra sensitive, and this was the first time I’d ever heard about such a phenomenon. When I was able to validate my relationship with my son through this book I truly broke down and wept upon taking the test in the book to determine where one’s child might be within the levels of sensitivity and finding my son was , in the books’ terminology, a “mother-killer” . My son had all the earmarks of this, the most difficult child. After weeping out of sheer gratitude for validation, I then went through a period of anger at having been given this child. Why me??
Of course, now I realize that my son was the most precious gift I could ever have been given and that we literally saved each other’s lives.